The Sweetness in Fear
You might be thinking, what is sweet about fear? A lot actually. It is the opportunity to shower yourself with love. Remember when you were little and you were scared about something and then you were scared because you were scared? I remember these times vividly. My body would send me signals through a wave of heat or a tingling sensation that something didn't feel right. I get these same sensations in my body to this day mostly in the middle of the night. It's just when I am good at being afraid-at night. It is a pattern that I am finally treating differently. No more avoiding it and tossing and turning and thinking and trying to solve it. I am treating it with love and you can do the same starting now.
When I wake up in the middle of the night, my brain usually goes to something that creates fear. What if there is a fire? What if one of the boys gets sick? What if I get sick? What if I get cancer? What if I die? What if my children die? What if Chris dies? What if I never live out my life's purpose? Heavy right? This is how the brain works though. It is really good at focusing on the negative. These fearful thoughts are the opportunities to love yourself and the sweet innocence behind those fears. To practice holding space for yourself just as you do for others. To not turn your back on yourself, but to show up and be there in any way that you can. Imagine if you did this for yourself each time your fears showed up? What do you think might happen? I can simply say that it has been truly game changing for me since I have put this into practice.
I woke up last night because I heard my son get up to use the bathroom. I went to check on him since he had a runny nose and was sneezing earlier in the evening. He was so darling and sweet. He said "one last hug and one last kiss?' and of course I couldn't resist that. I loved on him for a few minutes and he seemed to be doing better. On the way back to my room, I noticed that fearful feeling in my body. So I asked myself, "what are you feeling?" and it came to fear. Fear of love. I started talking to myself in a soft gentle way and imagined that I was my sweet son and talked to myself like I was talking to him and holding space for him. I thanked myself for sharing my fears with me. I discovered that I am afraid to love because it might be taken away from me or that I don't deserve to be loved because of decisions that I have made in my past. It really doesn't feel good to think these thoughts and having these fears keeps me at a distance from the 3 people that I love the most, my husband and my two darling boys.
The me a few weeks ago would not have even admitted these fears, and especially not to myself. And when we prevent ourselves from sharing our fears, then we prevent ourselves from being loving and being loved and seen and heard and understood. I literally held space for myself in the middle of the night laying in my bed on my side with my arm wrapped around me so that I could scratch my shoulder blade softly and just say, "it is okay to be afraid," "it is okay to feel this way," "it means that you care," "it means that you are opening up to yourself and your power by just talking to me about these fears," "I will stay with you as long as you need me to," "I love you and you are safe with me," "there is nothing that you have done or can do to not deserve love," "you absolutely are 100% lovable just as you are," "I love you," "I love you," "I love you." This softness and tenderness is the sweetness behind fear. This gentle way of loving yourself is the path to eliminating the fears in your life. There is no more room to be ashamed of our fears as adults. There is no reason to ignore them and to betray ourselves that way. We must be kind and gentle to ourselves and our fears so that we can heal and so that we can be loved and be loving to all of those around us.
You can start this today. It is going to feel really weird and that is because it is something that you more than likely do not do at all for yourself. It is a skill that needs to be practiced. A muscle that needs to be strengthened. The next time you find yourself thinking about something that brings fear or worry to you, find some time to ask yourself, "what am I feeling?" Create that space and open up a loving and tender conversation with yourself as if you are a child. Hold space for yourself and reassure yourself that you will stay with you as long as you need. Just breathe and tell yourself "I love you" as often as you can until the body relaxes and the feeling passes. It truly is beautiful and it truly is a much better way to be toward yourself in your moments of darkness. Bring your fears to the light of love and watch how your life changes.
Sending you love especially during your times of fear,