The 5 Thoughts That Hold Moms Back
Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. Right? I get so tired of my thoughts sometimes. I also forget all the time that I am not my thoughts and neither are you of course! Good news, right?? Thoughts have this super sneaky way of wreaking havoc in our lives and keeping us caught in places that honestly we just want to get out of. It is really interesting when you think about it, huh? Well, when we become moms, it's like the thought switch never turns off and doesn't even get dimmed either. Am I right? I am in pursuit of the dimmer switch right now as a Mom of two absolutely amazing young boys. There are days when I am in a funk and my brain goes to the thoughts, "I am never going to stop thinking about my kids" or "I am never going to stop feeling responsible for my kids." The permanency of it all. It creates overwhelm and yet it also reminds me of this massive love. It is at times hard to sort through our thoughts, let alone identify who we are as a woman outside of being a mom and wife.
Here are a few of those thoughts that are holding you back.
1. "I have to be happy around my kids all the time."
This right here is just nonsense. It is an expectation that we will never meet as a mom or a human being EVER! It is not normal to be happy all the time. We are taught that we should feel happy all the time and when we don't then we feel bad about ourselves. Do we want to keep teaching our kids this nonsense?? This shame?? No thank you! It is up to us to model for our kids how to be a HUMAN- a whole hearted human! I am challenging this thought when it shows up for me and replacing it with "I want to be me around my kids all the time." Try it for yourself.
2. "If I don't play with my kids, then I am a bad mom."
Ok, I don't know about you, but I cannot play with my boys all the time. I have other things that need my attention like the upkeep of the house on a daily basis and of course time for myself and time with my husband. I like things to be in order for the most part. I also love to have down time. I have some areas that collect clutter, I mean who doesn't, but seriously. I have been in the depths of guilt about this, but there are only so many times that you can play hide and seek or only so many bubbles that you can blow, right? It's ok to tell your kids that you don't want to do that right now. You are actually teaching your kids that they don't have to do everything that everyone else wants to do all the time either. Win win! I also want to teach my boys how to play on their own and with each other through sharing and listening and taking care of their things. I mean don't get me wrong, I play with them, just not every single time that they ask. I stay at home with them and so we are around each other a lot with lots of opportunities to enjoy each other's company and also opportunities to create boundaries as well. Try on some boundaries for yourself. If you need time to sit and read or just be still, do this around your kids and tell them what you are doing. Model for them that you are relaxing and having quiet time. We all need it!
3. "If I don't wake up before my kids, then I am a bad mom."
This right here is a biggie for me. My Mom was awake every single morning growing up and still does it to this day. Wow! I can honestly look at this with udder amazement. I was beating myself up about this every morning until just recently. Then I just surrendered. I love that my firstborn son comes into our room and snuggles with me. It's the best way to wake up EVER! I want to enjoy those moments for as long as I can! I am sure that I will end up waking up before everyone eventually, but honestly I'm okay even if I don't. I am not a morning person and it would require me to basically tiptoe on only two toes to get by without the boys hearing me. And let's be honest, if they are sleeping, so are we. Sleep if you can or just because you want to and enjoy it!
4. "If I'm not thinking about my kids and doing things for them and with them in my free time, then then I am a bad mom."
And this one right here puts the mom guilt on steroids! Right? This one robs us of the present moment when we are not around our precious barnacles (yes I call mine that affectionately). Oh I have lost so much time with this thought right here and it makes me mad right now just writing about it. All of the guilt I put myself through. We think that we should feel guilty when we are not around our kids! This absolutely needs to go!! We all need time away from our kids and they need time away from